When I was a kid - and also during my teenage years - I like to write on my birthday. I think most of you have ever done it, too - writing about the passing years and whether everything had gone as you previously hoped or not. In my case, the content didn't change a lot from year to year, so cliché that it would make a remarkable bedtime story (i.e. it was so boring that you'd fall asleep half-way thru' it :-) ). Well, it's been years since the last time I did that, so I think it would be fun to write something like that again this year ('fun to write' wouldn't mean that it would be 'fun to read', so be prepared to fall asleep while you read :-) )
Anyway, what's new with my birthday this year was the questions that came along with all the greetings and wishes. Besides the regular 'question of the decade' (read here and here if you don't know what I meant with that :-) ), a new question also arose. It was “when will you go home?” Well, it was my 9th birthday abroad, and it's almost 4 years that I didn't set my foot on Sidoarjo's soil (left alone its mud :-) ), so no wonder why everybody started asking. And when I asked myself, “did I plan to stay this long when I first came here?”, the answer was no.
I remembered on my departure day, Ari - my undergrad pal - gave me a note saying “knock 'em dead and get back to us a.s.a.p.” (I don't know whether he still remember that or not :-) ). Well, it was my intention, too - actually I was just planning to emulate what Indy Jones had done (what I mean by emulating him was to get a Ph.D., not to find the holy grail :-). Let's just leave the search of holy grail to Robert Langdon, shall we? :-) ), and then go back to Indonesia. According to 'the plan', by this time, I would have already settled in Indonesia, get married and having three kids (I even had prepared names for them :-) ). I was picturing myself being a lecturer in one of the universities in Indonesia, living a normal live: not rich, but happy. And when I see myself now, it looks like I only managed to accomplish one thing: being not rich :-) (well, I'm happy too, and I think that's good enough :-) ).
I really wanted to get back to Indonesia a.s.a.p., but lots of thing happened on the way. I'd like to say that it was my destiny to stay here this long, but it would be irresponsible to say this all just because of fate. God gives us series of options during our life, and it's our own choices that pave the path we step onto, and shape the character of the man (or woman) we are growing into. Like, it was my series of choices that brought me to the place where I am now, and by my choices I grew and gain during the course (not gaining weight, though :-) ). Well, I'm still not in the place where I wanted to be, but I'm not regretting it - it's part of my choices that I'm here now - because I think it's the place that I'm supposed to be right now. I believe this path would help me grow into a better person before I arrive to the place that I wanted to be. (Well, it won't turn me into Superman, but it would be enough to do the role of the Batman... :-) ).
And back to the question about going back to Indonesia: I think I will return someday. I still don't know when, but I believe the options will keep on coming, and I hope options that I choose will lead me back there. I'm not saying that I don't like it here, I really enjoyed my stay. I think it would be 'great' if I could stay here long, but it would be 'fun' if I can go back to Indonesia, having normal live: not rich, but happy and all the stuff :-). Whichever is fine with me, but I'd prefer the 'fun' thing over the 'great' one :-). Well, until the day...
PS: Karin, Rana, Erika (if you wonder who they are, that's the names that I prepared for my kids :-) ): please be patient and wait for a while, won't you? Your mother and I still need to fix something up, like... finding each other? :-) Well, may be we already met each other, it just that we haven't realized it yet...
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